we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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