I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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