i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
