Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
