Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
