I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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