I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
