I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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