is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
