I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
