I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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