Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
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its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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