i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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