Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
