guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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