Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
