So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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