what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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