ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Barsexuality is the new black.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
