I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
