Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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