thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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