My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
