i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
