i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
