My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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