white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
