I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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