he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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