he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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