He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
send nudes
from the living room?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
