WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
