I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
