i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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