i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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