One girl and one boy is just not enough.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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