I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
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