that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
