For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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