I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Boobs speak an international language.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
