my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
