yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
