Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize