Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
