hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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