i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
