I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
