For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
