Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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