Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
