worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
