Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
