it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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