If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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