Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
