It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
