just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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