If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
