just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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