Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
