I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
