I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
