soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
So squirting runs in the family.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
