Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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