i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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