We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
