Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
