I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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